I’m going to be honest and tell you that these words spoken by Jesus prove elusive to me. Even after so many years following in the way of God, every time I read them, I’m disturbed at my heart’s incapacity to consistently live by this profound instruction.
I was most aware of my heart being troubled on the day it broke as Katey yielded up her life and returned to the Lord. For weeks, I hardly felt I could breathe. Just as when I’ve broken a rib, to breathe deeply caused me pain. Grief is a physical experience with many levels of pain. While I don’t think my heart was literally broken, it was deeply wounded and I am very much aware of the scar tissue that remains today, for grief is not something from which one completely heals.
My heart, and no doubt yours, has both desired to love and be loved, as well as having experienced the pain of rejection and loss. Perhaps that is why we have such a hard time embracing these words, even with Jesus as their guarantor.
When my heart is troubled, I am destabilised and my worst behaviours can emerge. Through the years of accompanying Katey on her journey, my friends will tell you I wasn’t always nice to know. My troubled heart compared my life experience with that of other Christians, whose lives I saw as blessed, happy and secure.
Such comparison at best left me depressed and at worst produced an unholy rant against them and the Lord we all serve. I became an angry victim and lacked perspective. When lost in such raging, my heart is disturbed and as a person I become self-absorbed with my troubles. It’s then, more than ever, that I need to reflect upon the extent to which God loves and accepts me, trouble and all.
(Dr Micha Jazz)
With many peaceful blessings