As Katey and I made our voyage of discovery through the choppy waters of MS, each day, sometimes each hour, required we find sufficient strength simply to keep going. If sailing on stormy seas we enjoyed the option to turn back towards port.
Yet, this voyage offered no such option. We were cast adrift and needed to rely upon developing our own navigation skills sufficient for the moment.
Tears and tantrums there were a-plenty. The majority were selfish and childish. I was simply stamping my foot and saying, enough. ‘No more.’ Emotional outbursts, be they angry speeches or raw tears, offered Katey little hope, and God challenged me, and I then challenged myself, with how self-centred my behaviour was.
What I saw was the immensity and intensity of the storm around me. What I was invited to gaze upon was what ‘No eye has seen’. Something of an impossibility perhaps, yet what’s impossible for my humanity is possible with God. I needed to gaze beyond and deep within to make out the presence and reality of God in brutalising circumstances.
I was once told that if I felt overcome with emotion and near to tears in a meeting I was to move my eyes upward. To allow them to sink downward would guarantee an outpouring of tears. I’ve never really tried it out too seriously, but the principle I like.
When I’m wounded and at a loss, time to look upward towards God and not down into my own soul.
(Dr Micha Jazz)
With many peaceful blessings